i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Come share oat with me in your robe
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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