Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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