I'm lost and stupid without you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
