Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
