Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
