I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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