Are we in a gay sports bar?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
