I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
