Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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