So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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