I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
