We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
