dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
