Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
