literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
