Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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