Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
