i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
