I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
