god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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