So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
