Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
