so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we made out on top of his cat.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
