i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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