He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
