and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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