Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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