This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
