How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
either way he was missing a nipple.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
