Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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