it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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