So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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