I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
