my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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