I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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