You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize