If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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