He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
