plz talk dirty to me
he shaved USA in his pubs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm like, not good at living.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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