im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
