I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
