so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
