Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
