His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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