Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone came in the potted fern
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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