marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
