laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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