How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was born a porn star she said
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want nice things and good sex
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
