Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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