Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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