Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
