I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
