I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
