but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize