his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.