Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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