Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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