Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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