u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
