meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men