You smell like stripper and shame
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.