When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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