I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.