No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
