The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
please don't ironically join a cult
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