Are we in a gay sports bar?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
