Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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