yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
