i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
