just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Fuck appropriateness.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
