This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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