On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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