I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
