Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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