Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
