Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
