would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
