now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
