based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
