nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
