remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
