Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
