We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
