who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
